Thursdays Make Pancakes

...yes, I am painfully aware that doesn't quite make sense. I also happen to be rather apathetic about things making sense. I've also decided it sounds like it came from spam haiku. Maybe I should start writing for spammers. Hrmph.

I'm going to dedicate today's post to a very wonderful and fantastic woman who passed away last Saturday, my grandmother, Susan Kendall. She was an absolutely amazing person who took me to the library a lot as a child, made sure I drank my milk and helped me put together puzzles. She's the one that bought me my first pair of Nike's and baked me cakes that looked like cats on my birthday. For everyone that knew her, she touched their lives in similar ways. She will be dearly missed.

I'm not going to say she was taken out of this world too soon. She was 79 when she passed, which isn't very old by today's standards. However when my father died at an early age, that took so much life out of her. Then her husband, my grandfather, died a few years after that. That was the man she had been married to for SIXTY YEARS (which, she told me, btw, I have to beat her record in length of marriage). At that point, no matter how strong and resilient you are, I'm sure you'd rather go and be at peace with the people you are so greatly missing. I don't blame her. I wish she had been able to stick around for my wedding but I guess when it's time to go...it's time.

The funeral is today. Did I fly up to Ohio to attend? No. Do I feel a little crappy about that? Of course. When it comes down to it I really just didn't have the money and work needed me. FB still needs to meet that side of my family (I haven't been that close to them since my father passed away) and I'd rather cart him off to Ohio with me when people are less depressed. So at some point we will venture up there but now just wasn't that time. I hope everyone up there understands that.

Which reminds me, I still need to contact my one aunt. I haven't called because I knew I'd just be a useless pile of crying mess on the phone. I'm not that stellar at verbal communication especially when sad. Thinking of taking the easy way out and explaining everything in a nice, long, letter. Right now they probably think I'm sitting in warm, sunny Florida being an insensitive brat. Well... I don't really care. My grandmother knows I love her and that is all that matters. I know she is at peace now and I am going to practice celebrating life, not mourning death.

...oh and...I want pancakes now. Crap.