Conversations with Cookie pt. 1

Every morning I wake up and eventually text Cookie. Sometimes this is while driving, sometimes this is during a successful J.P. ...point being...it HAPPENS. Some days well... things get really, really, REALLY amusing. At least to me they do. I've determined I find them funny enough to want to post them here. I don't really care what the rest of the world thinks though I do hope to make SOMEONE laugh besides myself.

Here is an excerpt from today's conversation in which we discuss part of my wedding...

ME: since you are best cookie does that mean we also get rehearsal dinner empanadas?
COOKIE: mhm just for you!
ME: yay!!!

ME:
COOKIE:
ME: /empanada dance
COOKIE: woohoo!
ME: you havent seen the empanada dance yet...
COOKIE: I wasn't aware you actually had an empanada dance ...
ME: it kinda looks like a retarded crab eating peanut butter...
COOKIE: LOL!!!
COOKIE: when did you invent this??
ME: sometime between 5 minutes ago and just now
COOKIE: did you actually do it as you planned it out?
ME: ...maybe.

That's just a brief glimpse of our antics. In other news, another friend of mine promised me a pterodactyl today. I just have to sign some form of silly safety waiver. I mean...jeesh..it's a PTERODACTYL. I get my OWN effing DINOSAUR. That is WIN.

In other, other news, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALLIE AKA BURRITO!!!!! I drew this picture for her to celebrate!

It's supposed to be a birthday burrito...yes...I know...horrible attempt... It's the thought that counts! Jeesh, people. (Please note that Allie in no way, shape or form actually resembles the pictured burrito.)

That's all for now!

Maybe tomorrow I'll post pictures of the empanada dance.

Thursdays Make Pancakes

...yes, I am painfully aware that doesn't quite make sense. I also happen to be rather apathetic about things making sense. I've also decided it sounds like it came from spam haiku. Maybe I should start writing for spammers. Hrmph.

I'm going to dedicate today's post to a very wonderful and fantastic woman who passed away last Saturday, my grandmother, Susan Kendall. She was an absolutely amazing person who took me to the library a lot as a child, made sure I drank my milk and helped me put together puzzles. She's the one that bought me my first pair of Nike's and baked me cakes that looked like cats on my birthday. For everyone that knew her, she touched their lives in similar ways. She will be dearly missed.

I'm not going to say she was taken out of this world too soon. She was 79 when she passed, which isn't very old by today's standards. However when my father died at an early age, that took so much life out of her. Then her husband, my grandfather, died a few years after that. That was the man she had been married to for SIXTY YEARS (which, she told me, btw, I have to beat her record in length of marriage). At that point, no matter how strong and resilient you are, I'm sure you'd rather go and be at peace with the people you are so greatly missing. I don't blame her. I wish she had been able to stick around for my wedding but I guess when it's time to go...it's time.

The funeral is today. Did I fly up to Ohio to attend? No. Do I feel a little crappy about that? Of course. When it comes down to it I really just didn't have the money and work needed me. FB still needs to meet that side of my family (I haven't been that close to them since my father passed away) and I'd rather cart him off to Ohio with me when people are less depressed. So at some point we will venture up there but now just wasn't that time. I hope everyone up there understands that.

Which reminds me, I still need to contact my one aunt. I haven't called because I knew I'd just be a useless pile of crying mess on the phone. I'm not that stellar at verbal communication especially when sad. Thinking of taking the easy way out and explaining everything in a nice, long, letter. Right now they probably think I'm sitting in warm, sunny Florida being an insensitive brat. Well... I don't really care. My grandmother knows I love her and that is all that matters. I know she is at peace now and I am going to practice celebrating life, not mourning death.

...oh and...I want pancakes now. Crap.

Morning experiments in the kitchen

I experiment regularly in the kitchen. Mostly because I actually don't really know how to cook. I typically throw something together and cross my fingers it doesn't 1) burn the house down and 2) taste like dog food. The dogs agree on this. They prefer people food.

This morning, before I even managed to drink any coffee, I was up attempting to cook corned beef hash for the first time. Since St. Patrick's Day had just passed I seemed to be in possession of some left over corned beef items. Naturally, I googled first how to do this experiment and chose my favorite sci-chef, Alton Brown. I copied down the basics and got started (I have real bad issues following a recipe completely. That would be why I fail at baking a lot of the time).

The experiment cooking:

It might not look like more than dog food. But I assure you, it was tasty.

In other news, The Surprise yesterday was a) not DISNEY WORLD and b) NOT A GRYPHON PLUSHIE...it was c) dumplings. More specifically it was FB and Kewkie taking me to lunch at the Dragon Gourmet Buffet, a china buffet (cheena buff-it) about 20 minutes away. The added bonus of this particular buffet is they have dumplings and steamed pork buns and all other sorts of items that aren't typical for a buffet down here. So yes, I ate a lot of dumplings. I left there feeling like a dumpling. By the time I was hungry again it was midnight so I went to bed instead of devouring any more food.

Which might explain why I woke up at 8am to experiment in the kitchen. Hrmph.

Friday Morning Edition v. 1.0

I awoke this morning after a fairly terrible dream (and FB's alarm clock going off. Still not sure why it was set for 8am. I doubt it has anything to do with The Surprise, since he turned it off and went back to bed).

Anyway...

~~~Begin dream sequence~~~

In this Fairly Terrible Dream, FB, Kewkie and I were all over at my mom's house. I think we might have been eating pie. Must have been some holiday. Regardless of the noms situation, we were there and all of a sudden this really horrible girl I extremely dislike, we will call her Lydia*, walked right in and started making herself at home. I interrogate my mother about this wondering how she could have betrayed me so much as to inviting The Lydia over for holiday pie!

Mom: "She's not a friend of yours?"

Me: "Ewwww...no... my friends aren't useless piles of human excrement."

Mom: "Why are you so mean to her?"

Me: "She used all my tampons without asking."

Mom: (quizzical look)

Me: "long story."

At this point it's apparent my mom isn't going to do anything to remedy the situation so I turn on SUPER SAIYAN BITCH MODE (fyi, I don't like DBZ at all, however, it accurately describes the situation, really horrible hair and all). I grab the Lydia villain by the hair, shout some expletives and toss her out the door. I watch her look all confused and sad as she walks back to whatever hole she crawled out of. I also watch to make sure she doesn't slash my tires or something equally displeasing. I return to my pie only to discover FB had eaten the rest of mine and to see Kewkie lying on the floor bleeding from a revenge fork stabbing.

~~~End dream sequence~~~

So I woke up deciding I was definitely "disgruntled" and in desperate need of a caffeinated substance. I was also feeling a bit empowered after defeating my enemy so easily in a dream. Empowered enough to finish the dishes that had been taunting me for the past week. I now have a shiny kitchen thanks to the magical Brillo pad that is my best friend in erasing all sorts of icky things. Now I need to go do human-ish things like venture off to the bank and wake FB up and find out what the heck THE SURPRISE is. It had better be good because all this waiting is driving me nuts. And when I say good I mean like DISNEY WORLD good. Or NEW GRYPHON PLUSHIE good.

Hmph.

* Name has been changed to protect the icky. I don't even know why I gave it a name. It is below such things. And no, I'm not normally this much of a SSB towards people. Well...maybe I am. It's debatable! I also hate the name Lydia. It just screams evil villain that wants to invade my dreams and make me cranky.

wah-wah-wah-WEEKEND!

Alas, The Weekend is upon me! (Me, and not you, all you Monday - Friday people. HAH!) The good new is...I have NOTHING to do. At. All. Sure, there is plenty to find to do... but nothing requires my immediate attention. And it feels great. Especially after spending last weekend in Orlando running away from FURRIES.

I went to Megacon, Megacon, Megacon! It was a lot of fun. The best part were the mystery bags. There is just something so MAGICAL about them. One even contained a SHEEP!! (it's possible I ran around throwing said sheep at people and shouting "POLYMORPH!"...) Another contained kitty ears! (FYI, kitty ears don't = furry costume in progress. They are just kitty ears. However Thundercats are solely responsible for the onslaught of furries we see in todays society. More about this later.)

It was also super windy and I got to ride on a charter bus! I haven't been on one of those since freshman year of high school. Fortunately the ride was only about 15 minutes long and no one used the bathroom...>.>

While away River, my hyper-active Shiba Inu, decided to maul the bathroom door. It now looks like a tiger was trying to escape, not a 22lb dog. The good news is, it looks like a tiger was trying to escape...or maybe a dragon...which makes it awesome! The better news is, in order to cover up the "boo-boos" I get to paint a mural on the back of it. I might utilize sit-on-my-ass weekend to begin this project. Pictures will follow. Unless it looks horribad. In which case, Photoshop-ed pictures will follow.

I'm going to go level my warlock now. Pwn a few newbs in teh face. That sort of thing.

Ok srsly...(with a long rant on politics)

Fuck weddings. And wedding planning. I have my dress, I have the rings, I have these really cute Save the Date magnets I want to send out... But do I HAFTA?! I feel like I have to put on this huge show for people and spend a stupid amount of money and just end up not having fun at all. Whine whine whine.

On a totally sidetracked note.

Politics. I don't frickin get it. Driving into work today there were protesters on the street corner with either pro-life or pro-choice signs. (I was firstly annoyed because they were taking up all the extremely limited parking at work.) Now, from my very limited knowledge of the two main political parties, Republicans tend to be pro-life and Democrats tend to be pro-choice. Republicans also tend to be anti-welfare whereas Democrats are more likely to set up systems for the needy. Once again...the keyword here is TEND. As in , "vast majority".

So can someone please explain to me why a bunch of people want to bring babies into this world, have them born to needy families, then let them starve to death and not get proper education? Or have equal opportunities?

If someone can please explain the logic of this, let me know.

(For the record, I'm pro-choice and anti-giving-money-to-people-who-don't-deserve-it...very broad category...and no, the pro-choice has nothing to do with religion. At. All. I just don't believe I should be the one to judge another's life and force them into things. That is between them and whichever god they choose to, or not to, worship.)

/end rant

OH! On a lighter note, there's a chupacabra in the hallway.