Misc Updates From Outer Space

I'm going to start out with the fact that I am extremely tired. I also have consumed quite a bit caffeine and sugar this morning. So I am extremely tired AND jittery. My brain feels like it is sloshing about in a swamp with gators chasing it.

The good news: I'm not really required to think today.

The bad news: I still can't go home yet or sleep.

Fuck.

So I will do a blog update! ::cheers::

Life update as of June 8, 2010...

FB is still jobless. It is driving me nuts. I can't justify bitching too much because he still manages to pay the bills. However he does owe me flowers. Which I CAN bitch about but don't because then I feel bad because he is jobless and doesn't have a lot of money.

My wedding is scheduled for December 12th. That's approximately 6 months away. I still have no details yet but I do have a dress. And I still very much want to elope. I also don't want to marry someone who is unemployed. That just seems to spell disaster.

If everything goes as planned I will be starting school in the fall. I'm nervous about committing to it though because I don't want it to interfere with my honeymoon plans...that aren't even made yet because I have no wedding plans...

I feel like I should stop worrying about all this because I know everything will work out okay just as it always does. Then I remember that things only work out okay probably because I do worry and then MAKE them work out okay. The worrying however is causing a lot of stress and it's nothing I can really change. So I am stuck.

I recently sponsored a child through World Vision. I haven't told anyone about that, not even FB. I am proud of myself and feel like I am doing at least one small thing to help out the world yet I don't feel he would understand. Kind of like that time he found out I was a closet environmentalist. Now I'm sort of being a closet humanitarian. Heh.

I am conflicted about many other things.

I do know, that despite all of our differences I do love FB with all my heart and want to start my family with him.

I never thought I would have a family. Often I feel as if I've been cast out of the one I was born with. I know they all love me dearly as I love them but I never felt that sense of secure belonging.

With FB I feel like I belong. Even if I don't feel like I belong in reality...I feel I belong with him. It's nice.

Well crap. This turned sappy.

Here's a picture of a mannequin with side-boob to help ease the sappiness: